Well I guess the paranoia was right. I don’t know what to think lately. I can’t stop crying. But I still hold some faith in us. Because I think it would kill me to lose you right now. And because I think you’re honest. And if you’re being honest by saying you love me but it’s the relationship side of things getting you down, then maybe, just maybe we can work at it. I just need to try. And I’m paranoid and unhappy and can’t stop crying, but if it works out it will be worth it.
  Besides it could be worse.

Reasons why I won’t give in yet, or at least really don’t want to have to…

• I think there is the chance it could be sorted. If we vary it a bit, and just be patient for a while then you never know. Last night was lovely up until I brought it up, and that was my fault.
• I love you. And if we were to break up I’d bet that you wouldn’t even allow us to be friends. So I would completely lose the person I love. It’s a very unappealing prospect and I’m really scared of that happening.
• When we were good that was probably the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. The only other guy I’ve had is Tom and he was a cunt. A far away cunt. You’re lovely and close by and when we were at are best I’ve never been happier. I really don’t like being alone. But you gave me confidence and made me feel loved, and you were all I needed. I really want that back.

I hope I can work this. I really really don’t want to lose you. I cry every time I see a romantic moment on tv, or ifI just think about it. I do feel like this process is slowly killing me. But then, it failing would only have the same consequences as me giving up now. So on I go. I can only pray you really do mean it when you say you love me, and really do want to give  it another go.

Oh please someone make this happen?